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ohhh, you're a gay dot com suicide..

someone from gay.com killed himself, apparently.

one of the, hm, how would i say - well, if we were relating high school cliques to gay.com cliques, one of the jocks. one whom all the most well-known and prominent st. louis gay.com members seem to have known. i'm familiar with him, seeing him online in the room for many years, since i've been there. this summer, i met him once, at jj's. i was struck at how quiet and non-combative he seemed, being an ALL CAPPER. i had to remind myself again that people aren't necessarily their online personas. we didn't really talk though.

and now, he's dead. and gay.com is somber, eulogizing him and reminiscing over the events of their friendships. many, even names of true gay.com infamy, remarked that they'd been crying all morning. i was bewildered, to see this arena of cattery and hostility dismantled in a moment of shared grief. these people are just people.

it's weird, to have death even this close on the periphery. i know i won't be able to say this forever, and that's scary enough, but - no one i've ever cared about has ever died, i've never even been to a funeral. the reality of mortality has always been a terrifying concept but never something i've been forced to face in my own life.

and.. i don't know that i really have anything else to say. it was just a strange moment, a strange aura, to be reminded of the bigger picture, and to remember that everyone, even behind the random spewing text of gay.com screen names, there's a human there, a person, with their own life, and world, and joy, and grief.

people are just people, they shouldn't make you nervous, the world is everlasting, it's coming and it's going..


Nov. 21st, 2007 05:03 am (UTC)
if everyone could learn from death and learn that everyone, no matter what color of their skin or sexual orientation or even flaws is just a person with feelings, who never asked to be born in the first place.